Sex in marriage is important and should be consensual between the husband and the wife. While the mood to have sex varies, spouses are expected to meet the needs of their partners when it is time for it. Handling sexual issues varies with individuals. Thus, Saturday PUNCH asked some members of the public what they would do if their spouses denies them of sex
It is an open invitation to breakup
Denial of such a thing is an open invitation to breakup, especially if the reason for such an action is not logical enough. No matter the reason, it is not even wise. But as for me, I will try to figure out her reason(s) for the ‘strike’ and let her know the implication of doing this. If she is using it as a means of grievance expression, I will play a trick. I can just pick up my phone and start to call a lady and talk to her as if we’re engaged in my wife’s presence. If she is not moved by this action, then I will understand she doesn’t care. If she continues doing this for a long time and I can’t lose my urge, then I may get a substitute. However, I will make reasonable consultations before arriving at this final resolution.
I will plead for her mercy
If it is just for a day or two, it’s normal and expected of me to find out what I did wrong. I believe no wife would just decide to embark upon such a mission without a reason. There must have been a quarrel between us. If she can open up on what I did wrong, I will ask her to forgive me, and I know we’ll get back to each other. In such a case, “the end of a thing is better than the beginning thereof.” I don’t want to think she would refuse; after all, a responsible wife would not reject her husband’s pleading.
I’ll find out what she’s passing through
If I am aware of it, it would be strange to me. Secondly, I have to find out the reason she’s doing it; if it’s her first time of doing it to me, I will perhaps think maybe she’s stressed and needs assistance in any way. If that’s the case, I would understand. I will ask other questions like: “Is she beginning to be influenced by bad company or is she angry at me or something?” Thirdly is managing her emotions, assist her in any manner, pray for her; and most importantly, it could be that she wants me to change in some way. This action of hers will affect my reasoning but I will take it to God and beg her because I won’t go out there for another woman. I won’t be a complete man until she changes because there will be a vacuum in me.
We will resolve whatever issue might have caused it
Whatever the reason, it is wrong for my spouse to deprive me of sex. All the same, I will find out what could have happened with her? Because I would not engage in extramarital affairs, we have to solve the problem together. Part of the solution is by finding out maybe she’s having any challenge with sex. In summary, I will find out the reason(s) and we’ll resolve it together.
No reasonable woman would do that except…
As a medical expert, it could be a health problem because no reasonable woman would deprive her husband of sex. If it’s her body system then, I would be patient with her. I may have to stimulate her also so that she can be in the mood. If that is not the issue, I will study her to know what is bothering her and be sure I am not the cause. If I try every means and she doesn’t still succumb, I will inform our marriage counsellor to take up the case. It could be psychological.
He must tell me why
It’s in two ways. Sex is good in marriage but too much of it is bad, though denial is not good either. If he deprives me, it means there is something wrong somewhere. Such issue could be a product of extra marital affair, stress from work, fatigue or any other thing, so it is important to ask him why he is doing that, because too much deprivation could unsettle the woman, and that may lead to problem in the house. I would make myself available to him and keep asking why he had been acting like that until the issue is resolved. I could visit a counsellor to help talk to him as well. Issues relating to marriage calls for care and caution in handling them.
Prayer is the key
I will call him and ask why he has been doing that. I believe there should be a way couples talk to themselves to resolve their differences, so, I would explore that to know what caused it. If I feel there are things I don’t do right, such as showing him how much I love and care for him, I would do more and if all efforts to get him to talk fail, then I would pray about it. Sex deprivation could be due to extramarital affair, retaliation or punishment for a wrong done earlier, stress or a ploy by the devil to cause trouble in the marriage. So, I would pray about it.
I would go on my knees
I would like to know why. Whether it is fatigue, pressure from work or that he is not in the mood. It is important to know why, so I would call him to discuss about it but with a soft approach though, because such issues require care in handling them. If I have tried to have him explain his reason for depriving me of sex and he still refuses, then I would go on my knees and settle it spiritually. I will keep praying until I get the answer and he changes for better. Things like sex should not cause fight or quarrel in marriage.
I might involve a third party if it persists
He is my husband, so I would ask him to explain why he chose that path. It is easy to think that he is having an extramarital affair or that his work is demanding and that he gets tired before coming home, so it is better to ask than assume wrongly. If a man has a mistress outside and he goes there to have fun, obviously, such a man would be tired before coming home, but that does not mean that would be his reason. He could have overworked himself in the office. However, if the deprivation persists for so long, I might have to report him to his family members and mine, hoping they would resolve it because he should be able to confide in them.
I would watch it for some time
That could be suspicious. If it has not happened for long, I would give it time so that I do not act too fast or react over an issue that never existed, while hoping things change for good. If it continues for so long, then there is something to worry about. That could be due to reasons known to him but a woman could easily think that the man is having an extramarital affair, so I would ask him to tell me what was wrong. If he does not tell me or change, I might inform his friend, because men, usually, confide in their friends, if that does not solve it, then, I would involve his family. If it lingers, then I would pray about it.
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